Be the Quarterback

By Donna Shea & Nadine Briggs

I was talking to a neuropsychologist on the phone about one of our mutual clients the other day. I mentioned how Billy would always agree to play with another child or join in when he was asked, but he rarely, if ever, initiated a social interaction. Billy is a great receiver of friendship overtures, but he isn’t making the initial play.

I got to thinking that teaching kids initiation skills is similar to football. If you are always a receiver, you may or may not be the one that the football gets passed to. The odds are fewer that the ball will come your way. However, a quarterback gets to call the plays and pass the ball. He has a 100% chance of interaction. So, I am teaching the kids how to be a quarterback and call the friendship plays. How do we coach a child to change their position from receiver to quarterback?

• Go up to someone at recess and say, “I’d like to play with you. What are you playing?”
• Call a classmate for a play date or have a parent help you make the call.
• If you are a teen, send the text to suggest a plan for Friday night. A concrete plan. Lots of teens are sitting home waiting on that football to come their way. Be the one who throws the ball.

The eventual pay-off of being a good quarterback, is that a child or teen will also be a more frequently invited receiver and the back-and-forth of friendship will become a natural series of initiation and response.