Parents frequently ask me how I gets kids to share life details with me as a coach. Teens in particular can be closed off with some adults, especially their parents. The key ingredient to the secret sauce was very eloquently stated by a teen I coach when referring to other adults, she said, “They tell me things and you ask me things.” There is so much that’s revealed in that powerful statement. The difference is engagement. Talking at someone vs. engaging them by asking and valuing their thoughts, views and feelings. It sounds like this:

“Hey, I’m curious about…”

“I was wondering…”

“What do you think about…”

“I’d love your opinion on…”

“I like the way you think.”

“What was it like for you when…”

“How do you feel about…”

Try this (now not-so-secret) ingredient in your next conversation. The result might prove to be enlightening for you and self-affirming for your child/teen.