By Donna Shea
My significant other, Michael, recently had a minor day surgery. All went well except for the fact that he struggled with the effects of the anesthesia for the better part of the day and into the evening. The staff at the hospital were great about letting me stay with him while they worked on solving the problem. Mike and I both found it amusing that we could overhear all of the discussions about him and what to do to solve the problem through the thin curtain surrounding us. Then a nurse would poke her head around to tell us the results of the phone call or consult and what they were going to try next. We both wanted to say, “We already know that, we can hear you!” We know that those consults and phone calls were about solving the problem and were grateful for his care that he was given that day.
What prompted me to write this blog was how this adult experience brought me back to the numerous times that I discussed the problems that my boys were having with other adults when and where my sons could hear me. To this day, I feel badly about this behavior of mine when they were young. Even though I was in desperate need of someone to listen, understand and help me with how overwhelmed I was, I went about it in a way that sent a message to my boys that I was unhappy and many times, complaining. A wonderful daycare provider called me on this one day, and while I felt embarrassed, I have ever after been thankful that she did. She also helped me learn that “doorway discussions” during transition times when she had other children and families to assist (and who could hear), is not the time or the place for those types of conversations. As a social education specialist who sees many children and families each week, I now experience the other side of that. My heart goes out to parents who are feeling overwhelmed. I have been one. I encourage my parents to set up a time for a parent consultation, where they can have not only my undivided attention to listen and help problem solve, but to put up a curtain that their child cannot hear through.
