When coaching a child who expresses that he or she feels left out at recess, we suggest one simple change in the child’s approach to other children that may greatly increase his or her chance of being included. If a child is being left out during recess, this simple change of language will often do the trick.
We teach children to change the yes-or-no approach of asking “Can I play with you?” to the more effective statement of “I’d like to play with you”. We have seen how powerful this small change in phrasing is in how other children respond to the child or children making the request to play.
We also coach children to take this one step further and also say, “Tell me what you are doing,” or “Tell me the rules of the game.” Children who find themselves frequently excluded may have a past history with peers of being welcomed into the play, only to the have the child joining in begin to try to take over control of the group or change and complicate the rules. It is important for the child that is requesting to play to conform to what the other child or group is already doing. These small changes can result in a much more inclusive and fun recess experience.
