Social Group is Like Calculus Class

By Nadine Briggs

A child or teen who exhibits social difficulties may offer up different reasons for why he or she cannot socialize or avoids social situations. According to his mom, “I have too much homework” was one staight A student’s reasoning for not attending a social group.  My response was, “if he is a straight A student, then it would seem to me that an hour of social group a week will likely not hurt his grades.” It took some convincing on the part of his parents, but he eventually agreed to attend group.  He came to social group, was initially very socially awkward but managed to make some nice connections.

Another teenage girl’s parents called to get help for their daughter who was extremely shy. They were concerned that she was unable to converse with her peers. She attended a trial group, followed by a phone call from her parents reporting that she “didn’t like it” and would not be returning. It’s certainly not surprising that an extremely shy teenage girl would not enjoy spending an hour of social time with 8 other teenage girls that she had never met before. It is not something that she is comfortable with and it was difficult for her. We all have some fear of the things we are not adept at. It is  common to dislike things that challenge us and bring us out of our comfort zones.

I am pretty good at making friends. Being around people does not scare me. If someone said to me, “Hey, Nadine, we’re going to calculus group, wanna come with? It’s gonna be great!” My reply would be “Um…you go ahead and I’ll catch you later.” I would avoid it with every fiber of my being. I do not like doing or participating in activities I am not skilled at either. I can live just fine without knowing calculus, though. The problem with avoiding social situations, however, is that people need to be able to interact with other people in almost all facets of life. We need to be able to work with others and communicate our needs and wants in life. Avoiding social interactions is not a long term solution. I would like to think that it was just this particular social group that she didn’t like and that she found one somewhere else that she was comfortable being in, but I know that is not true. Some kids are going to need a little convincing and maybe even a bit of a push because for many kids, social group can be just like calculus class.