When Caught Between “Blah” and “Meh”
By Nadine Briggs and Donna Shea Even though we knew this was coming, it doesn’t make it any easier. The weather is getting colder and the days are getting shorter…
By Donna Shea
I just came home from vacation after facilitating a 6-week full-day summer program at my Center. Each week brought me new kids to meet and new challenges to coach. Was it fun? Mostly. Was it easy? No. Did I lose my patience? Absolutely, I’m human.
There were many days over the summer when I felt trapped in a den of ogre pokers. What is an ogre poker? It is a term that Nadine and I use when we are talking about kids who engage in constant, annoying attention seeking behaviors or refuse to leave someone that he or she is in conflict with, alone. For some kids, it is the rush of getting attention, any kind of attention, from peers or adults. To the ogre poker, negative attention fills that need more quickly and easily than positive attention. For other kids, they get stuck on a small conflict and rather than taking a break, continue to try to engage the peer until a bigger problem grows that didn’t need to exist. Ogre pokers are problem enhancers. We seek to teach kids to look at a problem and think about his or her role. Is he or she currently a problem solver, a problem creator, a problem enhancer or a problem victim (getting caught up in someone else’s problem).
Ogre pokers can find themselves not well-liked by peers or adults. An ogre poker can cause an otherwise calm and caring person to feel exasperation, frustration and anger and well…to lose his or her patience. I found the best way to stop an ogre poker in his or her tracks, is to remove the attention he or she is seeking. On more than one occasion, I had a child take a break away from the group activity and relocate to a boring area, stayed within sight and did not engage visually or verbally until the child opted to discuss with me what was going on, and what needed to be done in order to re-join the activity.
If you come face-to-face with an ogre poker, you can attempt to defuse the poking by saying “I think you want my or _______’s attention. The way that you are going about getting our attention is not working. What would be a better way to get our attention or what you need?” And if you get caught in a den of ogre pokers? Try to keep your sense of humor, have a boring location at the ready, find someone to temporarily cover for you, and have chocolate readily available.
