What’s your People Plan?

By Donna Shea & Nadine Briggs

I (Donna) observe many kids in my social group that tend to gravitate toward an individual or isolating activity. This week, I had a couple of boys building structures, but separately. Kids at the Lego bins are intent on their creation and removed from their peers. Another gal is intently creating a work of art. The more social butterflies are playing a game and working on a different set of skills.

There is nothing wrong with being a happy introvert. However, the reality is that human beings are social on a grander scale, and learning to interact with the greater social world is essential for life, work and finding a life partner, if that is something one wants. I tell my happy introverts that they don’t need to have a ton of friends (that would be exhausting for a person who expends energy to socialize instead of gaining energy from other people), but that a couple of good ones will do (just in case one moves away).

Getting happy introverts to interact with the other kids at social groups comes down to a rational explanation that I give them to do so. I ask if they enjoy coming to the center, and they always say they do. I tell them the problem is that if they play alone, I will get fired by their parents. This statement always gets their full attention and a look of surprise. I explain that if they leave the social group and tell their mom or dad that they only played alone or did just Legos, that their mom or dad will say that they can do that at home and they won’t want to send them to play with us anymore. Every time, a kid says, “oh, okay” and moves off to find someone to engage with, or I help with a suggestion or support them joining in with some other kids that are doing something social and interesting.

After having this discussion, then when I see a kiddo playing in isolation, I do a quick check in by asking, “Hey there, (name of kid), what’s your People Plan for connecting with a human? One other human your size will do.” This little reminder usually brings a smile and prompts the child to engage with a peer on their own.