By Donna Shea
We work with many kids who might be described as inflexible or rigid in their thinking. There are times when a one-track mind is a powerfully positive force, staying with a task until completed, or an amazing idea until it comes to fruition. There are other times when a brain that has a difficult time bending to see other perspectives or solutions can be a source of frustration for the child or those with whom that child interacts. A child may have a difficult time understanding or even considering that there are different ways of going about things, none of them right or wrong, or better or worse then any other, just different.
The gal on my mind as I write this is a tween who I had in a social group awhile back. She was a terrific young lady, who approached the world in her own unique and amazing way and had interests that veered away from the usual tween fare. Incredibly intelligent and thoughtful, she often challenged me to consider my approach to supporting kids on the spectrum and to really, really listen to and to appreciate and celebrate the differences in the way we think about things.
I remember a day when I was serving ice cream sandwiches as an early summer treat and the kids were happily removing the wrappers completely (or not), breaking them in half (or not), licking around the sides first or simply just munching away. This young lady had been out of the room and when she returned, became quite distraught. She exclaimed, “that is NOT how you eat an ice cream sandwich!” Her distress was clear. I had a great group of kids, so no one reacted in any way except with puzzlement. I asked her, “how do you eat an ice cream sandwich?” When her response was on a paper plate, with a fork, peeling away the top layer, then the ice cream and then the bottom layer, I happily accommodated her ice cream sandwich style with the plate and fork. While we were all enjoying our treat in our various ways, I used it as a social lesson on several fronts: accommodating the needs of others, making room for different ways that we each approach something, and that there is not a right way or a wrong way, but many ways to eat an ice cream sandwich.
