Perspective for Pessimists

By Donna Shea & Nadine Briggs

I’m (Donna) finishing up a specialization in Positive Psychology through the University of Pennsylvania. Nadine already has hers. It’s fascinating in so many ways and I have learned so much about thinking about mental wellness and applying all of that great knowledge into my work with the kids at my center and even in my own day-to-day existence. We will be sharing a lot more about this in the days to come.

Today though, I want to chat about the Eeyore’s we know. I have one. These are the offspring, that no matter how hard we try as parents, walk on the pessimistic side of life. The glass-half-empty folks. The nothing-ever-goes-right for me guys. The if-it-can-go-wrong-it-will people. We pick up our parental pom-poms and cheer them on, usually to no real avail.

I think patterns of pessimism start early, and the quicker you can catch a child’s pessimistic positioning and re-direct it, the better off they will be and the more likely you can replace negative thinking with more positive perspectives. Here are three simple re-directions of pessimistic language that you can use with your child today:

1. Replace “always” with “sometimes” as in changing “I’m so stupid, I always forget stuff” to “Sometimes I forget stuff, everyone does.”
2. Replace “never” with “now” as in changing “I never get to have a turn” to “It’s not my turn right now.”
3. Add “yet” to “can’t” as in changing “I can’t do this” to “I can’t do this…yet.”

Pessimists think of adversity as permanent, pervasive and personal. Optimists see adversity as temporary, specific and impersonal. In re-directing “always” and “never” to “sometimes” and “now” can help your pessimistic child start to see life from a more optimistic view.