Put Your Change Where Your Mouth Is

By Donna Shea

Sorry seems to be the hardest word this week at my summer program (there is a song title in there somewhere).

I have a couple of kids, that when being re-directed for an infraction by staff, or given social feedback from their fellow campers, offer a quick “sorry.” But then, a moment or two later, I hear the same re-direction or the request to stop happen and then usually a third time (which is when I know that a coaching intervention is needed).

There are kids, especially of the impulsive variety, that use the “sorry” out of habit and say it on auto-pilot to momentarily alleviate an uncomfortable situation. Another phrase that I hear frequently from kids to this same end is, “I was just joking.”

Here, we coach a child to understand that these words are meaningless unless they are followed up by an actual change in behavior or the interaction. A “sorry” without change, is just a word.

Here is a great post on apologies:  6 Types of Apology

We teach children that Apologies #1-5 are not really apologies at all. The goal to reach is learning Apology #6, an apology from love, or in a friendship, at least from “like.”