“One thing that really stood out in our conversations today was that it is not about us enjoying Tessa more, it is about Tessa enjoying her life more.”
Something I said out loud stopped me in my tracks.
I had been talking with our dog trainer about my three-year-old cavapoo, Tessa. She is sweet but anxious, curious yet cautious. She barks too much, lunges on walks, and often seems unsure of her place in the world. Others might think she’s a “bad dog” by the way she behaves. Somewhere in the middle of our conversation, I heard myself say: *this isn’t about us enjoying Tessa more. It’s about Tessa enjoying her life more.*
The words landed differently once they were out in the air. Because I realized they weren’t just about my dog.
I see this play out all the time, both with Tessa and with the children, teens, and young adults I work with at Simply Social Kids.
The video link above is of Tessa on a walk, barking at a paper bag blowing slightly in the breeze. To her, it feels like a real threat. Her body is tense, her bark is urgent, and you can see that she truly believes she needs to protect herself. But of course, it is just a paper bag.
I share this video with group members because it is such a clear example of how our brains can sound the alarm even when we are safe. The fear feels real. The reaction feels justified. But the “paper bag” moments in our lives are often harmless. Like joining a new group, saying hello to someone, raising your hand, or walking into a room where you are not sure you belong.
The feeling is real. The danger is not.
With patience, support, and gentle exposure, Tessa is learning to relax. She can sniff the bag, realize she is safe, and move on with her walk. Her world gets a little bigger each time. That is what growth looks like for all of us too. Not forcing ourselves to be different, but slowly teaching our nervous system that we are safe enough to live more fully.
Maybe we all have a few paper bags in our lives. And maybe, with time and a little kindness toward ourselves, we can learn to walk past them with a little more ease.
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