Who to Believe

By Nadine Briggs and Donna Shea

This week, I (Nadine) heard a disturbing account of bullying in a local elementary school. The bully is terrorizing the kids at recess. He is cunning and charming and well-liked by the teachers. His grimaced expression toward his peers easily converts to innocence when in view of adults. He claims innocence when adults inquire about upset peers then jeers “I got away with it again” as soon as the adult is out of earshot.

In this particular situation, the victims feel hopeless. Despite repeatedly reporting incident after incident, the bully is only gaining more power. The reason? The victims aren’t believed. The bully is smart and goes after the kids who are more emotionally explosive. He knows the teachers tire of the victim’s “drama” and he uses it to his advantage. The adults in authority over the safety of the playground believe the side that is told calmly. The bully can calmly tell his side with his practiced look of innocence. The upset, likely tearful, side of the incident from the victims is not taken seriously. The frustration on the part of the victims is intense. So what do they do? Plot their own revenge. If the adults aren’t helping, then they will devise their own plan. The situation will escalate and the distress at recess will become greater.

Certainly, some kids report issues too often. They might even be seen as tattletales or whiny. That doesn’t mean, though, that they are always wrong. The kids who “tell” a lot need help understanding when to tell and when not to, but that doesn’t mean that they should never be believed. All sides of a story deserve to be heard. Whether through tears and shaky voice or with confidence and control. The victim knows that no one will believe him and the reality is that the bully knows it too.